"OW!" Arden woke to a sudden pain in his ankle. "Wha...?" He looked around him in a daze, then suddenly realized what was going on. He kicked out and connected with flesh, and the giants went tumbling. Arden leapt at them, but they scurried away and he sank softly into the aether. He grimaced at he inspected the twin sets of slightly bloody tooth marks in his ankle. Once again, they had escaped him. Which, he supposed, was just as well, because he was getting awfully hungry and he wasn't quite sure how well his ethical code would deal with eating a sentient being, even if it was trying to eat him first. If he hadn't been wearing red converse high-tops he might have been able to eat his shoe leather.
Eventually they settled back down to their respective spots, the might-be giants arguing, laughing, and singing, Arden sitting upright glaring at them, trying to stay angry enough to stay alert.
| "I sure hope he lets useat him before he gets too thin." | "That would suck." | |
| "Yeah." | "We'd have to fatten him up first. With ginger bread, or something." | |
| "If we had ginger bread, why bother eating him?" | "SHHHH!" | |
| "What?" | "Look!" |
One of the Johns pointed into the "distance" and Arden's eyes followed, whether out of instinct or boredom he wasn't sure. Everything looked the same to him.
| "Trouble City!" | "Start running now!" | |
| "We're outta here!" |
And with that the creature slipped away again. Arden looked around him. He stared hard at the spot where John had pointed and he thought it looked a little darker over there. A slightly darker opaque. Nah. They were just trying to get him flustered. But still... It was a little darker. And the dark spot was getting bigger.
Arden started running.
It felt like he was running through sand, through water. The aether flowed around him as he moved. The theme music for "The Six Million Dollar Man" flashed through his mind. "I can't believe I ever watched that," he thought, "even once, all the way through." Arden glanced behind him. It was getting closer. He could see it clearly now, a slightly more viscous, slightly darker amorphous opaque thing. It was a big blob, an amoeba, extending tendrils and feelers toward him as it flowed toward him.
Arden broke into a panicked sweat, and he wondered if he could regenerate after this thing was done with him. Something wrapped around his forearm, something made of ice, something made of evil. His arm went numb and limp. Arden ran harder. Only pride kept him from screaming as another tendril caught him by the waist and his legs became frozen liquid rubber. Arden remembered childhood chemistry experiments with liquid nitrogen. He saw, like polaroids, frozen images of his first love, his second regeneration, the moment that he beat Death. He remembered his first sight of his last lover. The pain came again from the terror behind him. He fell, tumbled, rolled.
| "BONZAI!!!!" |
Something solid and warm landed squarely on Arden's stomach, knocking the breath from his body.
"YEEHAW!!!"
Gasping for breath, tears running down his face, Arden could dimly make out John as he emptied a water uzi in the direction of the thing. The tendrils pulled back suddenly and Arden was covered in one of the most foul stenches he had ever experienced, and he realized that this was the first thing he had smelled since he came to this place.
| "SWITCH!!" | "READY!" | |
| "NOW!" |
The giants spun suddenly and the other John fired his water uzi at the thing. The first John stuck another round into his gun.
| "He's OUR dinner, you fiend!" | "We found him first." | |
| "I found him first." | "No you didn't." | "Maybe we should argue about this later." | "SWITCH!" |
| "READY!" | "NOW!" |
The creature tried to retreat, but had been too badly damaged by the initial assualt, and after about six rounds had been pumped into it, it collapsed, dissolved, and sank into the aether. The giants jumped off Arden and looked at him.
"How...what just happened?"
| "Holy water." | "Yeah. It's great for situations like this. How are you feeling?" |
"Uh, not so good. Could be better." Arden realized that he was practically helpless now. Out of the fire and into the frying pan, he thought, or was it out of the freezer?
John poked Arden's thigh.
"Can you feel that?"
"Feel what?" A sensation of dread enveloped Arden, and despair began to vibrate through the parts of his body that could still feel.
The other John investigated Arden's arm.
| "This is no good." | ||
| "Half the meat is still good..." | "If we wait a while for that stuff to wear off, all of the meat will be good." | |
| "But I'm hungry now." | "Patience, patience." | |
| "Oh well, I guess it'll give us time to practice." | "Yup." | |
| "Yes-Sir-Ee-Bob." |
In two part harmony, but without full orchestration, the might-be giants burst into song.
"Eat and drink the prodigal son Fondue forks for everybody"
Arden moaned in anguish. "I give up! Kill me now! Uncle! Just don't sing any more!"
| "Uncle?" |