"Master Brian," Lucien's voice came, "a package has arrived for you."
"Ah! Finally! Thank you, Lucien. Cheom blesses you, but would bless you even more if you just called me Brian."
"Certainly, Master Brian."
Brian scowled. "It is not proper that mere mortals assume titles of dignity, for they are mere pond scum compared to the greatness of Cheom Itself."
"Indeed, Master Brian, I've heard this said."
"Where is my package?"
"In the mail room, sir. Also, there is a Miss Anakata who wishes to speak with you. She seems rather concerned. I told her that you were in your quarters, but she was unable to find them."
"Tell her to meet me at the mail room, then."
Shortly, Brian entered the mail room. 'Kata was already there, standing by a large box. The box stood almost 10 feet tall and 4 feet around, but 'Kata seemed to dwarf it.
"YOU! Where is Arden, you antisocial and delusionary excuse for a sadistic metaphor?" Her slitty little eyes looked as if they might be glowing red.
Brian looked at her evenly and said "Perhaps if you were to take lessons from Lucien, you're greetings would not be so curt."
"Curt?" She barred her teeth in a sort of smile. Her eye-teeth appeared to be of normal length. "You want me to be POLITE?" she snarled. 'Kata's razornails went SSHNK and glinted dangerously.
"Yes. Like this: Anakata, it is very good to see you. Thank you so much for volunteering to help me carry this box." His voice echoed with unnatural calm. Brian walked up to her and extended his hand. The handshake left him bleeding.
"Where is Arden?"
"Nowhere."
'Kata's fingers were suddenly at Brian's throat, poised at either jugular. "You were saying?"
"I was saying that if you kill me, you will never see Arden again. This would undoubtedly be in your eventual best interest, but I doubt that you see that now. Now if you help me carry this box back to my room, I will explain some things."
Anakata glared at Brian for a long several minutes as he inspected the package for shipping damage. Suddenly she grabbed one end of the box.
"Come on," she said impatiently.
The box was very heavy, and they both grunted with the effort of lifting it. They struggled with it down the hall and around corners, neither able to talk as they walked. The thing was just too heavy. Finally, they set it down in Brian's spartan abode.
"How come I couldn't find this place earlier?"
"It is hidden. If you leave and try to return, you will again be unable find it. It is the Will of Cheom." Brian started unpacking the box, cutting it awkwardly with a utility knife, until 'Kata pushed him aside impatiently and sliced it open neatly.
"Arden..." she prompted.
"...is perfectly safe." he finished. She relaxed, but eyed him suspiciously. She wanted to believe it.
"Where is he?"
"Nowhere." Brian scooped out handfuls of Styrofoam peanuts and dumped them on the floor. Slowly he was uncovering something that looked like a large metallic coffin.
"Then what have you done to him?"
"I asked him a simple favor, and he refused." Brian uncovered the instruction manual, a tome some 500-odd pages. "I have given him some time to reconsider." He was glancing briefly through the booklet.
"Hmmmm," he muttered, "should be charged up and ready to boot."
"I can't imagine a reason why he should do you a favor, of all people. Favor is a word that describes everything you aren't. What is that thing, anyway?" 'Kata asked. "It looks wildly inefficient."
"You'll see." Brian grabbed something off a shelf and stuck it in a slot in the coffin shaped thing, then hit the start button. It whirred and clicked for a little while. A screen lit up on the surface.
installing.... please wait.
"What's it installing?"
"Patience is a virtue," quoth Brian.
"I suggest you stop trying to explain MANNERS to me, boyo."
. . . .. .................... installation complete.
"Cutting the lights and life off for an entire ship is IMPOLITE."
"Shhh."
The top of the coffin thing slowly lifted up and a figure sat up. 'Kata was amazed to find herself looking at Christian Slater, nude, with wires attached to his body and head. He looked down at himself, held his hand out in front of his face and flexed it, then smiled. Then he spoke.
"Uh, hi guys. Like, long time no see, 'Kata."
"Neil?" 'Kata asked in disbelief.
"Like, in the flesh." Neil grinned inanely at Anakata, then over at Brian. The grin dropped and was replaced by the most concerned expression either had ever seen. "You're bleeding!" he exclaimed.
Brian looked at his torn right hand. "Its only a flesh wound."